(704) 275-0951Episode 7
Creating a Positive Co-Parenting Relationship
Effective communication is the cornerstone of successful co-parenting. Without clear, open dialogue, maintaining a healthy co-parenting relationship can be challenging. While it may not always be easy or enjoyable, prioritizing communication is essential for the well-being of both parents and, most importantly, the child.
Many co-parents find that written communication—such as text messages or emails—helps reduce tension, especially if the relationship is strained. This allows you to communicate routine updates about your child’s well-being, any behavioral concerns, or logistical issues in a clear, neutral manner.
While written communication is effective for daily updates, phone calls are still necessary in emergencies or urgent situations. There are also co-parenting apps like Our Family Wizard, which allow you to communicate securely and keep records of conversations—useful not only for everyday communication but also in case of legal proceedings.
In high-conflict co-parenting relationships, it’s easy to focus on expressing your own perspective. However, effective co-parenting requires active listening. To truly understand your co-parent’s concerns, you must listen without interrupting or assuming their intent. Emotions can cloud communication, leading to misunderstandings. By focusing on understanding first and responding thoughtfully, you can improve the quality of your interactions and reduce conflict.
As a family law attorney, my role is to provide legal advocacy, not emotional counseling. However, I often recommend therapy to co-parents who are struggling emotionally with the challenges of shared parenting. Therapy can help you process your feelings, identify underlying motivations, and work through emotional barriers that may be impacting your ability to communicate effectively or make sound decisions.
A therapist can help you better understand your emotional responses and develop strategies to cope with the stress of co-parenting, which ultimately helps you be a better parent.
Rebuilding trust can be one of the most difficult aspects of co-parenting, especially when the relationship has broken down. However, focusing on the child and maintaining open, honest communication can go a long way in restoring trust. Both parents should remain committed to what is best for the child, setting aside personal grievances to prioritize their well-being. Transparency is key—be open about your child’s needs, any changes in your life, or issues that may affect the child’s emotional health.
Transparency is essential for both co-parents and children. When parents are open with each other, it builds trust and helps ensure the child’s emotional needs are met. If there are behavioral challenges with the child, significant life changes (such as a move or new relationship), or other important developments, it’s crucial to share this information. Keeping things hidden can undermine trust and cause unnecessary stress for the child.
Conflict is inevitable in co-parenting, but how you manage it can make all the difference. Start by focusing on your own role in the conflict. What can you do to de-escalate the situation or find common ground? Sometimes, getting support from a therapist or counselor can help you process your emotions and understand why you’re reacting in certain ways. Therapy provides a safe space to work through difficult emotions, helping you make better decisions and communicate more effectively with your co-parent.
Extended family and friends can play a vital role in supporting you through the co-parenting journey. They can offer emotional support, provide advice, or simply be a listening ear. However, it’s important to be mindful that well-meaning family members can sometimes exacerbate conflicts by taking sides or offering biased advice. That’s why I encourage co-parents to seek professional support, such as therapy, where they can receive impartial guidance.
Changes in your personal life, such as a new partner or a potential move, can significantly impact the co-parenting dynamic. To maintain a positive relationship with your co-parent, it’s important to be transparent and proactive in communicating these changes. If you’re entering a new relationship or relocating for a job, let your co-parent know as early as possible. The last thing you want is for your child to reveal a major life change, like meeting a new partner, before your co-parent is aware.
While no one likes to have these conversations, approaching them with openness and respect can help prevent misunderstandings and minimize conflict. This is also in the best interest of your child, as it reduces uncertainty and promotes a stable environment.
For parents who are just beginning the co-parenting process, the first step is to get clear about what you want for your child’s schedule. In many cases, the court will start with a presumption of joint custody, as children typically benefit from maintaining relationships with both parents. However, there may be circumstances that make joint custody impractical, such as a parent’s work schedule or living situation. In these cases, flexibility and open communication are crucial. Be willing to discuss what is realistic for your family and consider all options with the child’s well-being as the top priority.
The first step in the legal process is to listen. When a client comes to me, I take the time to understand their story and the motivations behind their legal needs. Whether you’re seeking a custody arrangement or other family law matters, it’s important to be clear about what you want. My job is to advocate for your interests and help you navigate the legal complexities. By understanding your goals and needs, I can provide you with the best possible guidance moving forward.