(704) 275-0951Episode 11
The Importance of Father Involvement in Child Development During and After Divorce
When it comes to the impact fathers have on their children’s development, particularly during and after a divorce, the importance cannot be overstated. Children need balance – both love and nurturing from both parents. The ultimate goal during a divorce should be to minimize trauma for the child, preserving as much of their routine and stability as possible. Maintaining involvement from both parents can help achieve this balance, which is essential for the child’s well-being.
One of the biggest misconceptions I encounter is around visitation schedules. Many mothers I represent assume that a typical arrangement is “every other weekend” for dad. Conversely, many fathers believe that “every other weekend” is all they’ll be able to get. While this schedule may work for some families, it’s not always the right fit. My approach starts with joint custody, as I believe children benefit from maintaining a strong relationship with both parents. Of course, this arrangement may not work for all families due to practical factors like distance, work schedules, and involvement in daily activities like doctor’s appointments, extracurriculars, and homework. But joint custody should always be the starting point, not the exception.
The reason these outdated ideas still exist is partly because of generational shifts. As an 80s baby, I grew up in a time when “every other weekend” was the norm for divorced fathers. That mindset has been ingrained in our culture and the legal profession. But today, judges and attorneys, especially in Mecklenburg County, have evolved in their thinking. More and more, they understand the value of both parents being involved in a child’s life, and they tend to start with a default joint custody arrangement.
In North Carolina, fathers are viewed equally to mothers when it comes to child custody. The court’s primary focus is the best interest of the child, not fairness to either parent. Judges begin with the assumption that both parents should be involved in their child’s life and will make decisions based on the evidence presented to determine if that’s not feasible in a particular case.
During contentious divorce proceedings, the court’s focus remains on the child’s best interests, not what’s fair to the parents. If a parent believes they were treated unfairly in the custody arrangement, they do have recourse. They can appeal the decision, though this is a process that requires specialized legal expertise in appellate law. Generally, though, custody cases are resolved in trial courts, and most cases do not end up in appeals. If circumstances change, parents can seek a modification of the custody order to better reflect the child’s needs.
For fathers, it’s critical to stay involved and proactive in their child’s life. In many families, moms traditionally handle tasks like scheduling doctor’s appointments, checking in with teachers, and keeping track of extracurricular activities. But when parents separate, it’s no longer mom’s responsibility to relay this information to dad. Fathers must take initiative – whether that’s accessing medical records, staying informed on school activities, or attending appointments themselves. Even if you’re not the primary caregiver, being involved and informed is crucial to maintaining a strong bond with your child.
If you find yourself with limited custody, every other weekend or similar arrangements, make the most of your time. Engage in activities that create positive, memorable experiences for your child, such as trips to the movies or amusement parks. Though you may not be responsible for doctor’s appointments or homework, you can maximize the time you do have to strengthen your bond with your child.
It’s crucial to get legal advice as soon as possible when facing custody issues. Delaying could hurt your case. If you’ve already been operating under an unfair visitation schedule for months, it may be more challenging to convince the court to alter it later. The earlier you address concerns and push for a custody arrangement that better serves your child’s best interests, the better your chances of success.
In certain situations, the court may consider a child’s opinion. While younger children are not typically called to testify, judges may listen to older children – typically around the age of 12 or older – if they are able to articulate their feelings. This is often done in private chambers to ensure the child’s comfort and avoid the pressure of open court. However, it’s important that any child’s testimony focuses on their desire to maintain relationships with both parents, rather than choosing sides.
Navigating custody matters can be complex and emotionally charged. Understanding the role fathers play in a child’s life, as well as how the legal system operates, is vital for ensuring the best possible outcome for both parents and children. If you’re going through a divorce or custody dispute, seeking professional advice early on can make a significant difference in the results.