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Nov. 8, 2022

Divorce is a big change to both parties and especially to the children. Divorce can be particularly difficult on the kids as they don’t understand all of the details or why everything has suddenly changed. This situation can elicit pain, stress, shock, sadness, or even anger from your children. Some children may even feel guilty, blaming themselves.

Maintaining a good relationship with your children after divorce is vital in helping them adjust. Assure them that the family setup may have changed but the love and attention that they will get will always be the same. To help you with this, here are tips on maintaining a good relationship with your children after divorce.

Stay Connected with Your Kids.

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Maybe it didn’t work out for your marriage, but you should make it work for your kids. Stay in close contact with them, talk to them often on whatever platform you can.

Thankfully, in today’s generation, we have technology, and even the youngest kids are involved in the digital world. You can send your children a message, call them, or even do a video chat with them. As the parent, you should be a consistent initiator. Ask questions and show them you want to keep an open dialogue. Keep your lines open so they can reach out to you when they need you. Be there at their best and at their worst.

Spend as Much Quality Time with Your Children as Possible.

As often as you possibly can, strive to be there with your child physically. Take advantage of every opportunity you have to see them. Quality time is one of the love languages that you should practice in order to fill the emotional love tank of your kids. So as much as you can, be there. Whether you know it or not, your presence is important to your children.

Listen with an Open Heart.

Instead of just asking how they are, dig deeper. Intently listen to your kids with an open heart. When they are communicating with you, give them your undivided attention. This shows them that their feelings are valid and that their words are important. Listen to their worries and stories. Try to guide them and teach them how to solve problems on their own but make sure they know you will always have their back.

Speak Affirming Words.

Words of affirmation are a great ingredient in maintaining a good relationship with your children after divorce. Assure them of your love by always telling them “I love you” or “I’m so glad you’re my child”. Always tell them how amazing and lovely they are.

Your words are important tools to reassure your children of your unchanging love. Let your words be their assurance that regardless of the changing family dynamics, your love for them will remain constant.

Speaking kind words isn’t just applicable to your child. After divorce, you and your ex should try to maintain a healthy co-parenting relationship. Learn to talk civilly without arguing or fighting in front of the kids. This type of behavior tends to upset kids and can lead to unhealthy reactions. Simple affirmations like “thank you for taking care of our kids” can go a long way.

Be Consistent and Keep Trying.

Consistency is everything. After divorce, there’s a high likelihood that your children might have trust issues. Your child won’t definitely believe you if you just did something for them once. You need to be consistent and make them a priority. This can be particularly important for teenagers as they may resist spending time with you. Just keep on trying even if your child doesn’t respond to your text messages or calls. Do it anyway. Remember that they need your support and attention more than you need their reply.

Following these tips can help you in maintaining a good relationship with your children after divorce. Being a parent is a lifetime responsibility, and a parent and child relationship is lifelong. You may have lost your marriage, but you are still a parent. It’s not yet over, there's still more to conquer.

If you want to know more about co-parenting, family law, divorce or child support cases contact our office to discuss your case.